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These are the men and the boys behind the one of the most influential and powerful rock bands in history. A band that thrown caution to the wind, and created a musical fusion that begs to be heard. This is Josh Diesel:
Josh | Bill | Jack | Jamie
Joshua Griffith Baron |
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| Aliases |
Josh Deisel, J-bosh y’all, Squishy, Squishimatoya, Sasquach, Squaybosh, Scuntash |
| Animal Friends |
Gibbon; Scorpion; Skittish Cow; Horse |
| Height |
Tall |
| Date of Birth |
10/31/72 |
| Religion |
Was rejected from the Catholic Church in 1976 for envisioning Jesus Christ in sexually graphic situations. Adopted Avidadism in 1993. |
| Skills/Achievements |
Self proclaimed "master of verse and musical tempo". Can cook Ramen Noodles in less than 4 minutes. Was elected "Skilled Out-doorsman" by the AVA (Anonymous Voters of America), a club which he founded. Rarely laughs at dead people. Can soothe spooked horses. |
| Interests |
Sorting change; Curling; Yelling at people on street from apartment intercom |
| Faults |
Very short tempered with Jack and Bill. Has tendency to destroy important objects. Disconnects his own break-lights while driving. |
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William P. Wright IV |
 |
| Aliases |
Big Booper, Uncle Billy, Big Bill, Big Kahuna, Big Balls Bill, Darian, Billy Dong |
| Animal Friends |
Boa; Rabid Kangaroo |
| Height |
Tall |
| Date of Birth |
1/9/73 |
| Religion |
Despite requests from such religious icons as the Dalai Lamma, the Pope and Desmond Tutu to join their religions, Bill has maintained his allegiance to Avidadism, the religion he founded in 1993. |
| Skills/Achievements |
Highly paid for his services as "Story Consultant". Can train small, fox-like dogs with ease. Has a way with women over 70. Can capture the attention of a squirrel up to 300 yards away. Uses words like "reconnoiter" and "macadam" with natural ease. |
| Interests |
Pretzels and other salted foods; sounds of the body; male contortionism; "drop and touch" |
| Faults |
Complete lack of rhythm. Gets confused easily by repetitive sounds. |
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James Earl Gurley |
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| Aliases |
Jamison, Papa, Papa Playboy, Cookie |
| Animal Friends |
Unicorn; Turkey Hawk |
| Height |
Undisclosed |
| Date of Birth |
Uncertain but carbon dating places it in this century |
| Religion |
Has taken vow of secrecy with sect of unknown affiliation in Salt Lake City, Utah. Rumors say that group is made up of born-again-Muslims. |
| Skills/Achievements |
Seems to grasp lyrics quickly. Can disrobe without using hands. Claims to be clairvoyant. Can predict location of lightning during storms. |
| Interests |
Waist gear; Out door carpeting; Sharks; Comparison shopping for male comfort products; Open Face Turkey Sandwiches. |
| Faults |
Obsession with "When Animals Attack" interferes with band rehearsals. Walks up stairs slowly |
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John Hamilton Turner |
 |
| Aliases |
Jack the Boy |
| Animal Friends |
Banshee; Possum |
| Height |
Meduim |
| Date of Birth |
5/21/73 |
| Religion |
Declared himself Native American after doing Peyote as a small child. |
| Skills/Achievements |
Can charm an audience in a matter of seconds. Hair is very manageable. His boyish smile is reminiscent of Robert Redford's. Will eat almost anything. Has a tremendously high threshold of pain. |
| Interests |
Pharmaceuticals; LightBright; Playdough; Fire |
| Faults |
Has a soft spot for heavy drugs. Speaks at a 1st grade level. |
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